Abuse - dear women, it is not what you think, it is about how you feel.

Abuse.

Abuse next to love is probably the subject I write and talk about the most. Where abuse exists, love is lacking. There is a lot of misconception on abuse and one of the biggest is the idea that abuse starts physically, when in fact the physical part is the escalation of abuse, not the beginning. In the beginning there is control, which means underneath a lot of fear, which means a lot of ego driven behavior. Women must understand that males immature behavior is the doorway to abuse. I don’t want to call them men, because to me, men are never abusive, because in order to be a man, a male must be mature.

So check for maturity, if it is lacking, the chance of abuse goes up.

Why?

Because immature males don’t take responsibility, they are unaware of their behavior, they control, they cannot deal with their emotions, they lack impulse control and they use drugs and alcohol to deal with pain.

All of those things are red flags and if they exist in a male, the chance of abuse goes up.

It doesn’t matter how old he is, how much money he has got, how many women like him, if he likes his mother or what kind of job he does. The only thing of importance is his maturity.

Your man should be a man.

Not another child to raise, not another patient to counsel, not another poor boy to take care of.

The mans job is to keep you safe. If he doesn’t he is not a man.

As women we must stop being ok with boys who don’t know the meaning of accountability.

We must have enough self worth to say no to immature boys and we must stop calling these boys men, because they aren’t.

I recognize immature boys immediately, and I have seen them everywhere, sixty year old lawyers, forty year old surgeons, thirty year old high tech guys and twenty year old soldiers.

So don’t be fooled by age, money or job titles. The only thing that should guide you is your feelings as a woman.

How does he make you feel?

How accountable is he?

How safe do you feel?

How scared and small do you feel beside him?

A woman should be able to relax completely in the arms of her man, if she can’t, she has no man.

Hila Naftali - Psychologist and Psychoyogi