Foto by: Elisabeth Tzung
When you grow up in a dysfunctional home with parents that have a dysfunctional relationship, you learn that receiving something comes at a high price. As a child, you pay that price because you have no choice; your survival is dependent on your parents. As you grow up, you start to believe that this is what love feels like. Love becomes dangerous, unsafe, debilitating, and scary. When people show affection towards you, you get scared. When someone says you are beautiful, you panic and feel threatened. Worst of all, when you encounter true love and affection, you run as far from it as you can so that it won’t catch you and make you vulnerable and weak.
This was my reality for a long time. I was sure love was the most dangerous thing in the world until I started researching it at the age of 25. I like to study my own fears and the fears of others. It is so important to know your fears and understand they don’t have to control your life. By studying your fears, you will become a master of awareness; you will let them be and no longer be controlled by them.
The other thing I learned from studying love is how many of us are in the same boat. Most of us grow up in dysfunctional relationships and thus have the wrong idea about what true intimacy is. In addition, we live in a society that values and even advertises dysfunction. We see others as a means to an end – to what end, nobody knows. We don’t value them enough for their souls. We cling to appearance because it allows us to cling to dysfunction. Dysfunction feels normal to us while intimacy seems scary. What we need to realize is that for true love to enter our lives, we must learn to be vulnerable and weak. We must learn to surrender to love and allow it to hold us. We must learn to recognize the soul of another person rather than their appearance, and we must become aware of our own BS to do so. All those things are scary, which is why most of us live in dysfunctional relationships.
To stop the dysfunction, we must be honest with ourselves and our beloved. And to do so, we must be able to be in our heart, not our mind. Our heart will tell us what is really going on and how to deal with it. We will then be able to tell our beloved what we need and hear what they need from us. When we hear with our heart, we feel the person in front of us and show genuine interest in them and their well-being. This is how we enter true intimacy.
Why is intimacy important?
Intimacy is the only way for us to feel true connection and true togetherness. I have counseled so many individuals and couples who felt so alone in their relationships because of a lack of true intimacy and, as a result, a lack of physical intimacy; some couples even stopped having sex altogether. Here, too, society advertises dysfunction with statements such as “We’ve been together for too long,” “It’s because we have children,” “It’s because of our financial problems,” “He’s too fat,” “She’s too hormonal,” and the list goes on and on. Nobody talks about the real problem, which is a lack of emotional, spiritual, and physical intimacy. The three go together and are inseparable because we are whole human beings. True intimacy recognizes this wholeness, making our relationships healthy, loving, and whole, while dysfunction ignores it, leading to fractured and abusive relationships.
Why is it so hard for us to be intimate?
Most of us are so used to dysfunctional relationships that we are unaware of the
dysfunction. We think it’s normal to suffer. We talk to friends who also live in dysfunction, and they tell us the same story. In addition, society makes us believe that appearance is the key to success, so we learn to fake it, which drives us deeper into dysfunction. We become trapped in the prison of our mind, telling ourselves endless stories about reality instead of feeling what is real. Slowly but surely, we disconnect from everyone and everything and enter chronic loneliness, leading to depression and anxiety. Society then tells us to take some pills, do drugs, go shopping, or live in virtual reality, where there is no chance for true experiences. We find ourselves in a vicious circle, becoming more and more disconnected as we feel ourselves less and less.
How do we break free?
We break free by letting our heart break and being okay with the pain. People run away from heartbreak, but nothing in this world teaches us more than a broken heart and the pain of failing. If we manage to be inspired by our pain instead of running from it, we start experiencing true success. Anything worth creating is born out of the pain of heartbreak and the light that follows as we prove to ourselves how strong, powerful, and worthy we truly are. To me, there is nothing more beautiful than a courageous heart. This is what I value the most, and this is why I have dedicated my whole life to the heart.
If you feel it’s time to truly connect to yourself and your beloved, feel free to contact me. Here you will be loved, unconditionally. Here you will learn how to break free from the prison that is your mind. Here you will learn true intimacy with yourself so that you can have intimate relationships and stop living in dysfunction. Here your heart will become courageous.
Contact me now! Send WhatsApp to 0532809660 and lets get started!